dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
