This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
