Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So much rum. So many feels.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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