I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
