There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
