mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
