I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
