i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
