Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
