Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
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Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize