This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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