Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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