Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
