I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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