dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
