you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
