A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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