Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize