I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
