So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
