so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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