Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
zippers are such a cool invention
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.