I just saw a hot homeless man
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my shit smells like andre
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high