Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
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I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.