he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
