i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween