Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.

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  (610): she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break. http://tfl.nu/sziy
  Replies (9) Good night (648) Bad night (1972)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo

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  (201): One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo http://tfl.nu/izrq
  Replies (16) Good night (4826) Bad night (737)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out

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  (740): I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out http://tfl.nu/uo3s
  Replies (14) Good night (5178) Bad night (668)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it

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  (816): Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it http://tfl.nu/hlut
  Replies (65) Good night (5210) Bad night (1918)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house

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  (425): i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house http://tfl.nu/3ff4
  Replies (40) Good night (7962) Bad night (1338)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.

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  (602): I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off. http://tfl.nu/f702
  Replies (14) Good night (2928) Bad night (817)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.

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  (732): Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful. http://tfl.nu/p1yf
  Replies (3) Good night (799) Bad night (2716)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love

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  (774): Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love http://tfl.nu/hnbw
  Replies (6) Good night (1857) Bad night (557)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here

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  (931): I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here http://tfl.nu/mh8f
  Replies (4) Good night (2123) Bad night (506)
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  (909): View more from California

  I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.

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  (909): I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today. http://tfl.nu/n0ax
  Replies (4) Good night (1171) Bad night (454)
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  (619): View more from California

  No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist

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  (619): No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist http://tfl.nu/96uk
  Replies (7) Good night (1255) Bad night (435)
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  (818): View more from California

  She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.

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  (818): She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her. http://tfl.nu/k3ta
  Replies (4) Good night (372) Bad night (957)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.

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  (717): I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets. http://tfl.nu/qvke
  Replies (9) Good night (1798) Bad night (442)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.

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  (615): Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will. http://tfl.nu/qydy
  Replies (11) Good night (766) Bad night (314)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee

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  (412): do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee http://tfl.nu/2isz
  Replies (6) Good night (815) Bad night (228)

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