It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
