you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
