Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
