I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
