Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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