Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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