he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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