Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm always down for nudity.
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