I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What a dumb baby whore.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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