So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
