Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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