So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
