Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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