THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
