I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
