Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
