The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
