Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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