she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
