I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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