i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
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We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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