It's like God shit irony all over that family
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
