I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
