I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize