The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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