I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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