worst night to have a conscience
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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