I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
