his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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