onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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