Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
