Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
