he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
