Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just had sex bonerless
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
