I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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