Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
