So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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