You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
