yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
