Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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