It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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