Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
