can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
