So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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