ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
