This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize