I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
