and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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