I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
