I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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