i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
