TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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