Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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