So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
